'Decency & Disorder' was a history of 'the
Age of Cant', and the transformation from the bawdiness of the Regency period
into the self-improvement and piety of the Victorian age. I should have paid
more attention, it wasn't a book to be read while on the exercise bike.
Reading 'the Ladies
of Grace Adieu' again was a bit of an indulgence, but just reminded me of how
great a writer Susanna Clarke is. They’re filming an adaptation of 'Jonathan
Strange & Mr Norrell' for the BBC at the moment - may have to read it again.
Some time ago I outlined Fred's bedtime routine, so thought it was time for an
update.
In the week, I
normally have to put the kids to bed myself as Helen hasn't got back from work.
Around 18:30 I start introducing the idea of having a bath, which does not go
down well with either Fred or Lib. I run the bath and then start cajoling.
Oddly, at this stage I'm too tired to remember that saying 'I wonder who will
be the first in the bath?' triggers their competitive instinct. Hot cross buns
and salami wraps are dropped to the carpet half-eaten and they both rampage up
the stairs to be the first there. Unfortunately, this brings a whole new raft
of problems, as whichever of them is a) helped to undress first and b) is
helped into the bath first provokes the other to cry in outrage at the
unfairness of it all. Fred can, of course, undress himself, and takes delight
in flinging socks and pants around the upper floor of the house. Often, rather
than going into the bath, either of them will use the opportunity to run round
the house nekkid showing their bum to the world. Once in, Fred will complain
that the bath is too cold and Libby that it is too hot. So I have to pretend to
separate the bath water into hot and cold ends. Libby then requires 2 different
types of shampoo to be dribbled onto her left hand, her right hand and her
tummy. She will then attempt to wash Freddie's hair with some of the soap once
she has worked it into a lather. She's rather rough though, and this will make
Fred cry.
Eventually, one will
declare they wish to get out, and instantly the other will shout 'NO! ME
FIRST!' and they will jostle each other for position. Fred's normally first
out, he gets a cursory dry and then runs around while I dry Libby properly. I
have to snuggle her in her towel and declare this to be my favourite part of
the day or she gets miffed (it is also genuinely my favourite part of the day). Once dry, pyjama trousers have to be put on by
lifting at the waistband with the hems still held in place by the toes, so the
child is hoisted into the air by their pyjama bottoms. This happens AGAIN!
AGAIN! A few times before my arms give way and we clean teeth. Then we all go into Libby's room. I inflate
the airbed while Fred brings his pillow, water and blanket into the room, and
selects a story to read.
We read Fred's story
while Libby climbs all over us paying little attention to the detail. Once
done, Freddie sometimes reads Libby a story (and then she pays attention, bless
her), or makes one up, although it often lacks a convincing narrative and tends
to be about characters performing neologisms based on their name, eg 'One Day
Upsy Daisy upsied herself into bed, then the
Pontipines ponted themselves into bed, and then, and then, and then!
Iggle Piggle. . . . Iggled himself into bed!' After that, Libby gets two
stories, although this MUST NOT be taken for granted. After the first book I
make her answer a question, like 'tell me the names of 5 colours' or 'name all
your cousins'. Whatever I ask her she answers 'UmmmmmmEllaAmyGeorgeCiaraAoife'
at first, on the stopped clock telling the right time twice a day principle.
Then she says 'I lucky?' while nodding her head and she can then pick a second
story. We seem to have got over the recent Mr Nosey obsession. Last week when I
suggested we read a different Mr Men story other than Mr Nosey for a change,
she screamed in my ear; 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! WAN' GREEN MISTA MAN! NOT RED
MISTA MAN! NOOOOOOOOOOO!'
Once completed, the
lights go out, with Freddie on the airbed. Fred normally falls asleep within a
few minutes, but Lib has a number of delaying tactics she uses with immaculate
timing. Just when all is calm and it looks like she might be settling, I hear
'Wan' music. Wan' twolittlemeninfyingsaucer'. She is allowed one song on the
iPad. Once finished there'll be some grumbling, but she settles. Then, a few
minutes later, it may be
'Wan' song'.
'Which song would
you like me to sing?'
'Don' care.'
'OK. [singing]
'They're 2, they're 4, they're 6, they're. . '
'NOOOOO! Not wan'
Thomas, wan' bus!!!'
'[sighing] The wheels on the bus go round and round. . . '
After a few verses,
Libby starts to settle again until;
'Wan drink. Wan
milkandwater.'
She has both in her
room, so she sits up and has some of each, doing her very best to splash
herself so she can claim 'Daddy! Sleeveswet!' and have a change of pyjama top.
After that, Libby
starts to settle again. Until:
'Daddy. Need poopoo.
Need weewee.' This normally happens twice, and involves, obviously, getting out
of bed and going to the loo. We have to look at the poo in the bowl and give it
a suitable compliment before flushing. Then the washing of hands, with Libby
again doing her very best to splash herself so she can claim 'Daddy!
Sleeveswet!' and have a change of pyjama top.
Back in the room,
Libby starts to settle again until:
'Daddy! Wan' toy!
Where Babymarysawyer? (her baby doll) Where Lion?'
I'm wise to this
now, so have them ready and to hand. There is a gamble, as she may go off-piste
and request a different toy to sleep with, but she doesn't appear to have
picked up on that yet, and normally is placated by Babymarysawyer and Lion.
Eventually, I'll
hear the snoring start and know I can sneak out to tidy the house and then
collapse into bed. But sooner or later she wakes up and wanders in to our room
pleading 'Daddysleepinmyroom?Not mummydaddyroom!' If I'm lucky, Fred's already
moved himself into his own bedroom, if not, there's no airbed and it's the
floor for me. . .
